For me, it’s all about these two faces… When I think about the two “boys” in my life (a) I smile, and (b) I get fearful. It’s such an effed up juxtaposition. I will be enjoying a beautiful moment and then I suddenly have a thought of worry or fear and it not only takes me out of the wonderful moment I was experiencing, but it creates an unwanted and unwarranted fear in me. I guess it’s hard to verbalized exactly what I am feeling- have any of you ever felt this way? Dr. Brene Brown says it so eloquently in one of her blog posts and one point that fully resonated with me was when she speaks about allowing yourself to feel joy:
Dr. Brown says, “Don’t squander joy. We can’t prepare for tragedy and loss. When we turn every opportunity to feel joy into “I better not let my guard down and feel too happy – that’s inviting disaster” we actually diminish our resilience. Yes, softening into joy is uncomfortable. Yes, it’s scary. Yes, it’s vulnerable. But every time we allow ourselves to lean into joy and give in to those moments, we build resilience and we cultivate hope. The joy becomes part of who we are, and when bad things happen—and they do happen—we are stronger.”
Brene set an intention:
“To lean into joy. To remember that traumatizing myself with too much news or letting my imagination run wild doesn’t create empathy – it generates fear and blame. I’ll try to remember that joy requires vulnerability and that if I want more joy (and I do) I need to stay openhearted.”
I found another blog post by Dr. Brown that goes into more detail about how when we feel joy, we are just waiting for the other shoe to drop… Now, I dont know about you, but I’m sick of this feeling way. I want to actually experience my joy and relish in it!
I was reading this at 12:54am when I SHOULD be sleeping! But you know what, I have been struggling with these emotions for quite some time now and I knew I wanted to share what I’ve been experiencing. Maybe just one person will relate and find some relief in Brene’s words like I have, and that would bring me joy🙌🏻. I know it takes incredible effort to retrain bad habits and negative thinking, but I am up for the challenge. I no longer want to be paralyzed by fearful thoughts. I am committed to leaning into joy and giving in to those fearful moments. Giving myself over to joy will in return create more and more joy in my life. Isn’t that what it’s all about?!!!
May you have a joyful day! Month. Year. LIFE!
Oh, and I HAD to share Lennox’s adorns outfit with y’all !!! Too stinking cute!