When I think about the first month after Lennox was born, what comes to mind is immense joy, mixed with so many tears. So many… Sometimes it’s hard to recall how challenging my postpartum depression was and what I feel like I missed out on, but I can’t change what happened and those were the cards I was dealt. I do believe that incredibly difficult and emotional time period has helped mold me into the mommy I am today and for that I am truly grateful… I try so hard to be present with my son and take in every experience, and when I fail at that I feel horrible. Major mom guilt. Now obviously my expectations are completely unrealistic at times, which is something else I’m working on. I think it’s that I felt so disconnected that first month postpartum, and honestly many months that followed, that it’s been so important to me to take time and really focus on Lennox. I’m not sure if postpartum depression goes away, at least it hasn’t for me quite yet. I definitely get bouts of it here and there and maybe it’s just a reminder for me to take a step back, be in the moment, and focus on what’s really important. I’m also raising a tiny human which brings about immense emotions that I wasn’t prepared for. Do you feel or have you felt the same way as well? Now that Lennox is 18 months old, we have definitely gotten into our own groove. The relationship we have created is the most unique connection I’ve ever had. ❤️ I learn more and more about my son and myself on a daily basis, as he teaches me how to be a better person, a better mommy, and how to have more patience! Do I burst into tears every now and then? I absolutely do! Maybe once a day?! Lol! Most of the time it’s for something silly and nonsensical, but nonetheless it throws me off kilter for a moment and I have to really focus my energy to get back on track.
I mentioned that for a long time I looked at my postpartum depression and was absolutely crushed because it felt like I missed experiences. But now that enough time has passed, I’m able to actually be grateful for that challenging time and know that it was part of my path and part of my growth. Like I said, without my postpartum depression I would not be the mommy I am today, and I do feel that it has made me stronger and more resilient.
For any of you amazing mommy’s suffering with postpartum depression, please know that you are not alone. Please speak with your doctor and ask for assistance. I was fortunate to have three doctors point out to me that I would benefit from taking medication to help assist me with this challenging time- which I resisted at first but then finally gave into. It wasn’t until then that the fog lifted and I was able to really experience new motherhood. I’m definitely not saying that is the only way to go, but it worked for me, and if you think it may work for you I definitely think it’s something to look into. If not, possibly therapy or getting into a mommy group where you are all experiencing similar situations at the same time. I have been in a mommy group since Lennox was 5 month old and it’s an incredible resource for me. It may work wonders for you as well. 🙏🏻
My love goes out to all mommies around the world. It’s so incredible to be part of this amazing tribe. I just want to say thank you for all the love and support I have received since my son was born. It means so much to me🙏🏻❤️ I encourage you to be proud of yourself and your own individual journey through motherhood. This is definitely the hardest, yet most rewarding job I have ever experienced, and I commend all of us for jumping in and raising our tiny humans the best we know how.
Thank you so much for reading my update and following along on our journey.
So much love,