It was about two weeks after Lennox was born. We decided to venture out of the house and go for a hike. Kacy put Lennox in the Ergo Baby (incorrectly, as a fellow mom pointed out) and we started to walk up the hill. The same hill we had hiked a zillion times years before but somehow it looked different to me. There was a haze. I felt glazed over, ready to crack at any moment. But I put on a brave face and I took one step, two steps, three steps, and before I knew it we were half way thru. We could see the LA skyline and the beautiful hills beneath us, except I couldn’t “see” them because I felt like I couldn’t see anything anymore. I didn’t feel like “me.” I felt vacant and sad and I could NOT stop crying. Now, I’ve ALWAYS been an emotional person. I’m an open book for the most part and I wear my heart on my sleeve, but this was different. Oh my was it different. I couldn’t pin point exactly where the tears were coming from. I knew I missed being pregnant- I was so good at being pregnant. I was mourning my c-section and the feeling that Lennox was taken out of my body in an unnatural way. It felt inhumane to me and I couldn’t yet see the gratitude and the miracle that medicine granted us. Lennox was here and he was safe and healthy, but I was blinded by a sadness that was so intense. I couldn’t see beyond it. I tried, goodness knows I tried…
It took me about a month before I hit my breaking point. Saying thank you to the three different doctors who noticed my struggle and wanted to help is just not good enough. I owe these doctors so much more gratitude than I was capable of giving them at the time. I didn’t realize the severity of it, but I do now. I DO NOW. Postpartum depression, anxiety, the baby blues- it’s real. It’s debilitating and it’s isolating. But it doesn’t have to be. My goal is to open up the dialogue. To do my part to help eliminate the stigma of mental health “problems” and postpartum depression. Let’s start by supporting each other. Giving a shoulder to cry on and a non- judgmental ear to listen is the least we can do for our fellow mamas.
If you see a mama struggling, ask if she needs a hand.
If you see a mama crying, ask if she’d like to talk.
If you see a mama being mom shamed, support her with kind words.
If you see a mama laughing with her kids, allow it to warm your heart.
If you see a mama, any mama, know that she “gets” it. She knows what you’re going thru. She is a reminder that you are not alone…
We are not alone, lovelies. ❤️❤️❤️
Xoxo
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